18. Mecca Money

Mecca is your oyster. You can find most things here, from burgers at the famous Al Baik, to a room with a bed, hairpins and make-up, scent and clothes, prayer books and mats, clocks and diaries. Whatever your heart desires, you can find it in Mecca.

Mecca money: essentially that was my function, before they discontinued me. You could buy anything with me. When I say anything, I mean most things … nothing haram of course.

Yes, that’s right. God’s house has its own currency too, stamped with the Mecca logo and having the texture of Monopoly money. Of course, there’s the other currency too – the good and bad deeds, steps of the pilgrimage, steps of the Hajj. You can get yourself out of any sticky spot with those.

You can’t cash one for the other, though. No, no, no! Money won’t get you into heaven, though they say it will get you close – you only have to visit one of the Hilton or Fairmont hotel rooms to know that! Sadly, I don’t think you’d ever get enough vouchers to buy one of those. You’re best off sticking to the simple things – your basic food, bed and clothes – and then of course the Mecca memorabilia – you’ve got to prove you’ve been here after all! And once you leave, I can’t be used outside of God’s four walls, so spend me now while you can.